The other day I caught myself thinking:
"When exactly was I supposed to figure all this out?"
Because when I was younger, I genuinely thought that by the time I reached 48 (almost 50!), I'd have life pretty much sorted.
Not perfect.
Just... sorted.
I thought I'd know exactly who I was.
I'd be confident.
I'd have a plan.
I'd feel like a proper adult.
Instead, I'm sitting here at nearly 48, still making it up as I go along half the time.
And from conversations I've had recently, I don't think it's just me.
I Thought I'd Feel Like A Proper Adult
This one still makes me laugh.
I run a business.
I've been married for years.
I have two teenage daughters.
I have staff, suppliers, bills, VAT returns and all sorts of things that sound very grown up.
Yet there are still days when somebody asks me a serious question and I think:
"Why are you asking me?"
Surely there's a more qualified adult nearby.
Then I realise I am the adult.
It's honestly one of the biggest shocks of getting older.
Nobody ever feels as grown up as you think they do.
I Thought Confidence Would Arrive And Stay
I assumed confidence was something that came with age.
Like you'd hit a certain birthday and suddenly stop doubting yourself.
That has not happened.
Some days I feel brilliant.
Other days I can read one email and spend the next hour questioning every decision I've made since 1996.
What I have learned is that confidence isn't a destination.
It's more like a visitor.
Sometimes it's there.
Sometimes it's not.
The trick is carrying on anyway.
I Thought Success Would Feel Different
This one's a strange one.
When I started JoJo Co., I had all these milestones in my head.
If I could just get to this point...
Or achieve that thing...
Then I'd finally feel successful.
The funny thing is, when you get there, life just carries on.
You still worry.
You still have bad days.
You still wonder if you're doing enough.
You still find yourself lying awake at 3am thinking about things that seemed perfectly manageable at 3pm.
Success, it turns out, doesn't magically remove uncertainty.
I Thought I'd Know Exactly Who I Was By Now
This is the one that surprises me most.
I genuinely thought by this age I'd have settled into one version of myself.
Instead, I feel like I'm still changing.
Still learning.
Still working things out.
Still changing my mind.
The things I cared deeply about ten years ago don't always matter now.
The things I thought mattered don't.
The things I never expected to matter suddenly do.
And maybe that's normal.
Maybe we're not supposed to be finished.
I Thought Life Would Feel More Settled
This is probably the biggest one.
When you're younger, you imagine that by your late forties life will somehow become calm.
You'll have the answers.
The children will be older.
The career will be sorted.
The finances will be sorted.
Everything will make sense.
Instead, life feels just as busy, just as complicated and just as unpredictable as ever.
The only difference is that now I have less energy for nonsense and a much better appreciation of a quiet night at home.
What I Have Figured Out
I haven't figured out everything.
Far from it.
But I have figured out this.
Most people are winging it.
The women you think have it all together probably don't.
Nobody has all the answers.
And life isn't something you eventually master.
It's something you keep learning.
So if you're reading this wondering why you still don't have everything figured out...
You're in very good company.
Because I'm 48.
And neither do I.
